Searcing for God # 38

 Two continua, both conceptual and both irreducible to some numerical, quantifiable amount or degree, intersect, as implicitly and imperceptibly as odorless gas, in our daily perceptions, attitudes, and even our beliefs.

Those two continua are: the dynamic of ‘scarcity-plenty’ and the dynamic of ‘internal-external locus of control.

Carol Pearson posits that, for all previous archetypes, prior to magician, scarcity seems to be more impactful than plenty which emerges as dominant in our magician archetype. How does one begin to appreciate, to apprehend, and to recognize one’s own place on a scale for which there are so many variables, and from which so many implications arise, without our being conscious of the role that scarcity-plenty have played in those incidents? As it applies to much of our ‘learning’ about ourselves and our relationships, we see more clearly when looking back, on reflection. In the moment of whatever we are saying or doing, or thinking, we are usually fully occupied with and conscious of that ‘moment.’ The popular phrase, bandied about more every day, in public discourse, is that ‘hurt people hurt others,’ suffering people inflict pain on others,’…..and while it is true, perhaps the notion of scarcity might help to ‘flesh out’ those words ‘hurt’ and ‘suffering’.

We are all most intensely conscious if and when a death or a serious accident or incident impacts us directly, or even indirectly, through a loved one. That kind of ‘hurt’ or pain is front-of-mind. And others, if they know about the loss, can and will usually commiserate, empathize and sympathize with the person at such a moment.

What is most likely much less ‘conscious’ or in the light of day, of any of us, are some other kinds of scarcity with which we are very familiar, and from which, without anyone either consciously or unconsciously being either aware or even motivated to ‘create scarcity’ in our life, they are an intimate and inescapable part of our psychic narrative. Hillman reminds us that we are not constricted or imprisoned by our past; however, neither are we unmarked, unshaded, or completely free of psychic bruises. Relationships between parents that were even basically perfunctory and functional, focused on their attention to financial, hygienic, scheduled and dietary issues, with primary if not exclusive communication on those ‘subjects,’ are empty of communication on an affective, emotional and psychological level. That emotional desert is a metaphor of scarcity.

Even highly focused conversations on moral perfectionism can and do often impair a child’s sense of proportion as to what is important. Performative, is the current word that is applied to behaviour that stems from one’s need to appear proper, politically correct and strategically and tactically motivated, as opposed to ‘authentic’ and integrous. And, so we can easily see, on reflection, that depending on the intensity, the punishments and sanctions and rewards for being ‘good’ can reverberate inversely as compared with their desired intent. And that holds for all exercises of power with others. Too much need for control, is another face of ‘scarcity’ from the perspective (unconscious) of the child. Such a need is also an unconscious feature of the imposing and responsible parent.

Let’s look at another example, children’s scheduled activities, especially after-school: dancing, team sports, piano and art classes, any extra tutoring perceived as needed (whose need, the parent’s or the child’s?), church groups, scouting/guiding groups. Add to the regular schedule of rehearsals, practices, the need for preparations, the exhaustion from participation, the cumulative impact of a ‘parent’s perceived need for ‘parental success’  and the degree of energy and commitment from the parent to make these schedules work. What can appear as bounty and opportunity, can inversely morph almost without notice, into a scarcity of ‘free time’ and hence into a sense of a loss of freedom. That is a scarcity, especially among type A parents for which they rarely have to or do take responsibility. And the child is seriously and negatively impacted for decades after.

The opposite, refusing to consider after-school activities, is another example of scarcity of a different and more obvious ‘literal’ sort. Similarly, conversations in the home that insufferably and tediously repeat the ‘killing of an already dead horse’ of emotional smothering, or even intellectual ostentation, at the expense of the young mind and psyche, is a ‘scarcity’ in this case of ‘air to breath’ out from under the umbrella of sophistication and, dare I say, parental neurosis.

‘When is a child ‘ready’ for any topic, and for how much detail, and reflection on that subject’ is a question for which all proposed templates are inadequate. Every child and ever parent is so different and so intimately and inescapably and imperceptibly flowing in and with a changing river of perceptions, attitudes, events, thoughts, memories and convictions that, a high degree of both sensibility and intuition, confidence and a clear sense of purpose, can only guide each and every encounter and exchange with the child.

And this ‘scarcity-plenty’ continuum overlaps the other: interior and exterior locus of control. Indeed, the first could be so impactful on the second as to cause serious family disruptions in relationships, if it is not handled with care. An example comes from a child who ‘feels’ (perceives, believes) that s/he is being ‘imprisoned’ in whatever of the many ‘methods’ available to parents. Too much parental power, as opposed to a legitimate degree of sensitive and caring limits, can incubate resentment, even contempt and even withdrawal. Too little parental power, on the other hand, can and will leave a child not only ‘free’ but feeling (perceiving and experiencing a lack of interest, or a sense of ‘not being seen or known’ both of which are essentially a form of abandonment.

The business of ‘whether we begin to make decisions based more on ‘how others will perceive and treat us’ as compared with ‘our own’ interior thoughts, feelings motivations and attitudes is inescapably at play in each and every encounter, not only with our parents, but also in our public lives. And, it is an obvious and somewhat trite cliché, to posit that the kind of ‘scarcities’ and ‘plenties’ with which we are familiar will have an impact on both the speed and the depth at which we adopt the confidence, and the self-possession to know when our personal ‘choice’ needs to take preference over another’s choice for us.

These dynamics, while obviously inherent to parent-child relationships, as well as parent-parent, and child-child relationships, continue, in various forms throughout our lives.

And while all of this psycho-babble may be off-putting for many readers, in trying to shine a light on the dynamics, my purpose is to bring back into consciousness some of the abstractions with which our culture is saturated, without actually paying attention to whether or not we are really paying attention. Indeed abstractions like scarcity-plenty, are so bedevilled by financial statistics, consumer trends, employment data, income date, education attainment, numbers of ‘friends,’ and size of investment portfolios, that, in many cases, we have lost ‘sight’ (consciousness, significance, importance and relevance) of the ‘emotional, perceptual, attitudinal and conviction aspects of our relationship with both ourselves and our circles.

Poverty is much more than a food scarcity! It is a scarcity of what is possible, what is imaginable, what is permitted. Limits imposed, consciously and/or unconsciously, are still limits. And those limits are often a lifetime legacy from which millions never recover. Relationships plagued with any form of poverty are relationships that, with or without additional governments programs, are accessible to both observation and reflection, without the subjects of money, dollars, incomes, social status and political power even being inserted into the conversation.

Simlarly, when we are vaccinated with the serum of ‘people pleasing’ as a way to ‘fit into’ whatever culture, family, church, school, team, vocation, without adequate encouragement and enticement of ‘original perceptions and ideas’ even if those ideas are specious and impractical and redundant, and a challenge to the status quo, collectively, we are engaged in a process of ‘limiting our shared, as well as individual potential’. It is as if we believe that limiting our most basic natural resource, the imagination of each individual, we are benefiting from the order and good government and tradition that we have accomplished. OR, is it possibly some of that as well as limiting any potential criticism of the ‘status quo’ because we are so invested in its reputation and longevity, that our ego’s are entwined in that dynamic? Another imperceptible metaphor of scarcity, right before our eyes?

What does all this psycho-babble have to do with ‘searching for God’?

Well…..first and foremost, from a platonic perspective, truth and love and beauty are highly valued and respected ideals, in any culture or religion. And, in spite of an Anglican bishop cautioning me, ‘that people cannot stand too much reality,’ I have held and still hold a conviction, (is this part of my theology?) that any relationship with God implies, invites, encourages and inspires both the greatest degree of both truth and love to which I might aspire…both imaginatively and pragmatically.

It can easily be argued that my ‘scarcities’ both inform and impel my convictions…and if a theology has any merit, at least for this scribe, as part of my faith journey I must continue to ask questions of myself, of others’ thoughts and ideas, of situations outside of my circle, and of God as part of that searching pilgrimmage. Some theology posits that we are all innocent and abandoned in some way(s) in our early years, by our experiences. And whether that separation is both from our ‘inner psychic self’ as well as from others, or more of one than the other, the search to belong, to be accepted, tolerated and preferably loved, is embedded in our hard wiring.

Being loved is not merely a cliché for the popular love songs. Nor is it only the core of the jewellery and bridal and catering industries. Being loved, unconditionally, unreservedly, and loving both unconditionally and unreservedly, while both are beyond the literal, physical, empirical and demonstrable capacity of each human, the aspiration is universal.

And, if each of us has to wend our way through our own very personal swamps, forests, tidal waves, rejections and abandonments, the image of God’s unconditional love for all of humanity  can be most helpful, providing the spectre of a perfect light of a loving God is not imposed as a standard for each of us to attain, and be judged for falling short, each and every time we fail.

Finding truths buried in our unconscious, and behaviours and perceptions and attitudes for which we were ‘out of touch’ to put it mildly, can be (I contend IS! linked with a faith in a God whose love is mysterious, incomprehensible and ubiquitous. And our psychic health, however pursued and sought with the help of others on whose shoulders we are enabled to walk, seems to be an intimate aspect of our ‘living fully’ as we are taught, the ideal of God, in the first place.