First it was The Atlantic magazine's cover story; next it was David Brooks, columnist for the New York Times, and now, the esteemed Munk Debates in Toronto having the gall, (some would say hutzpa!) to invite four women to debate the obsolescence...and then posting results that claimed the "pro" side won!
Of course,
male sperm is being collected, for considerable dollars, in sperm banks, making
it both technically possible and societally condoned for women to conceive and
deliver their "own" offspring without having the impediments of having to "raise
another child" in a husband.
And, of
course, the graduate schools of too many universities are tilting to a majority
of female students, having abandoned the 50/50 ratio nearly a decade ago, and
the 75 (male)/25 (female) demographic decades ago.
And, of
course, there are examples of super-women, at least that is how too many writers
portray the female heads of corporations who serve as chief
executive/mother/wife/friend...and for them and for their circles of influence,
we can all be grateful, given that they provide a role model for our daughters
who no longer are literally or metaphorically constrained by a glass ceiling
that caps their dreams and ambitions.
As for the
obsolescence of men, well, we, men and women, have a lot of work to do,
collectively and assertively, to bring some dignity, self-respect and
self-confidence to the male portion of our population...and there is not a lot
of time!
So long as
the loudest and most politically correct voices in our culture begin their
"story" with the determined, and malignant and bullying concept that men have
oppressed women for centuries, we will continue to have a problem. How dare the
feministas pawn that bullshit on an unsuspecting and mostly somnolent media, and
culture. It just is not, and could not be true, given the difficulty of herding
men into a joint effort of such complexity.
First, men
have been more than a little occupied, in their narrow and too focused minds at
least, on things like finding and securing food, and warding off enemies to
their families and communities, and scratching out some kind of "living" in
various iterations, depending on the nature of available opportunities,
agrarian, industrial, military, and even marginally artistic, and more recently
technologically and even more recently, entrepreneurially, to consider, as some
principal plank on a gender agenda of their own, to even take into consideration
how women might feel about the historic division of labour and roles, more
defined in some cultures than in others.
Oh, there are
still too many organizations that are "male exclusive" in reality, if not in
policy. One such institution is the Christian church, in which male leadership,
especially in the Roman Catholic brand, is engraved in granite, and, once again,
premised on an interpretation of "scripture" that begs serious debate and
scepticism.
Men are, it
is both true and tragic, more fragile and dependent that we would like to
admit.
Men are, it
is both true and tragic, detached from their emotional lives, and the language
that would help to connect them to that part of their beings...and also
resistant to the changes that would only free them and their partners should
they open up to and embrace their emotional lives. It is OK, but not
history-making, for Joe Clark to appear on national television to criticise the
Harper government for having no interest in "soft power" and for having put all
its "eggs" in the basket of hard power, (a minimal criticism) but the real
import of that statement is not unpacked, even by an interviewer as sensitive
and "hip" as Strombolopolous. What Clark is saying in effect, is that the
definition of masculinity that restricts a government to hard power (the
military, the hierarchical and the formalities), while ignoring soft power, (the
diplomatic, the informal and the relational). Clark's persona is so un-macho
that inspite of his incredible determination and persistence, he nevertheless
has been the ridiculed joke among males in Canadian political history, much to
our own loss.
Similarly,
Bob Stanfield, another "progressive conservative leader," who suffered from too
much "unconventional" behaviour and image, (eating a banana, for example on
national television during his leadership convention) while merely telling the
world he was comfortable in his own skin, and not dependent on the requirements
of a politically correct perfect image.
Trudeau, also
unconventional, nevertheless wore the cape of a mysterious character of fiction,
or the headband and robes of the bohemian world traveller, and the pirouette (in
tails) in the presence of the Queen (albeit behind her back) as his way of never
falling victim to the male-generated slur of "wimp" or "gay"...the long-time
enemy of all western masculinity, once again to it everlasting shame.
By taking the
"high road" and by pointing their individual and collective fingers at "men" as
jerks, a..holes, and the many other epithets hurled with impunity and immunity
by women at men, both individually and collectively, women are taking the very
steps that would see their premise become their prison.
Where are the
women who know, deeply and profoundly, that men live and die for the opportunity
to be loved by a woman, and who, in their apprehension of that truth, are
unwilling to betray that trust by manipulating one man, or all men, into
thinking that their only or best route to equality is to compete, to denigrate
and insult and to effectively drive men from the "field" of even wanting to be
in the game?
Where are the
women, (and certainly not the "Real Women of fundamentalist Christianity) who
embrace the complexity that is and has always been masculinity. We are much
more, and also much less, than a penis and a bag of testosterone. We are much
more, and much less, than a gun-toting hunter, or an armored weapon vying for
victory in a military, or a corporate or an educational, or a sexual war (either
real or simulated). We are increasingly wandering in a fog of both uncertainty,
siloed from both other men and clearly from too many women, at least
collectively...and if and when one of us attempts to cross the line and embrace
the totality, including the vulnerability, of our authentic emotions, through a
search for spirituality or a pilgrimage into self-examination, we are condemned
by too many other men, and idolized by too many women, starved for our
kind.
So, in
effect, we are competing with other men (both the 'evolved' and the stagnant
variety) for a life partner, while we compete with other men for the decreasing
number of vacancies in the employment in all sectors of the economy, and with
the 'tin ear' of most political and thought leaders who take the public position
that anyone (or group) that complains about their lot is a victim, an archetype
completely anathema to the persistent, and persistently ensnaring archetype of a
reduced and constricted definition of masculinity.
To the women
who are reading this, in all countries, I implore you to 'take the hand' of the
man in your life, and to walk with and to talk to and to listen to and to
encourage him to listen to all the intimacies and intricacies of all of the
stories you have to tell, both those of obvious import to your lives and those
that seem most trivial. Some time along that path, your man will open, just a
small crack in the hardness of his armour, to your deeper and unresolvable
complexities, without having to worry about trying to "fix" you or the problem
or complexity you are presenting.
Eventually,
even C.S. Lewis, the English professor at Oxford, was opened to his own
vulnerability, inspite of his "up-tight" and granite persona, encouraged and
enabled by his austere and frigid faith and intellect, through the complexities
of a women's love, acceptance, and even adoring truths.
And if Lewis
is capable of such a thawing, so then are all men, including your
scribe.
And if Lewis
can become a role model, then that role model is available, along with other Joe
Clark's and other Leonard Cohen's and other Earle Birney's and other "stars of
battle of the blades" where the macho-hockey-player learns the demands of the
artistic and much more complex figure-skating competitions and trainings, in
front of millions of previously closed eyes and minds and hearts.
And if that
can happen in Canada, perhaps our example can be caught by others in different
cultures, for different reasons and purposes.
And both the
male and the female stereotype that excludes the other can eventually give way
to a model of androgyny that would serve all of us much more effectively and
much more tolerantly.